Lookout Santa Cruz
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In a county known for barefoot hippies, natural beauty and anti-establishment culture, Santa Cruz women still feel intense pressure to curate how they look, says writer and radio host Suki Wessling. She reflects on Botox appointments over the hill, Zoom beauty filters, punk-rock rebellion and a lively Santa Cruz Feminist Society debate about beauty, aging and self-expression. Her argument: Even here, women are spending too much time staring into the digital mirror — and not enough time simply living.
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Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who is the fairest of them all?
All across America right now, women stand in front of mirrors like Snow White’s stepmother wondering, Am I pretty enough? Am I thin enough? Do I have a big nose? Would I look younger if I got Botox? Would I be more successful if I wore different clothing? And even, am I too pretty or well-dressed?
At a recent meeting of the Santa Cruz Feminist Society, we held up mirrors to our own feelings about beauty and saw an astounding variety of reflections. From “women should do whatever they want to feel beautiful” to “the patriarchal construct of feminine beauty is harmful to all of us,” we had strong opinions about the ways that women choose to face the world.
Walking down a street in Santa Cruz County, you might think women have made great progress — and we have. In my mother’s youth, women were forced into stiff girdles, slept in uncomfortable curlers and were required to “put their face on” to appear in public. These days, women’s clothing choices are more comfortable and varied. We can choose whether or not to wear makeup or style our hair. And in Santa Cruz, we see a lot of women, inspired by our hippie history, who sport a “natural is beautiful” aesthetic.
But we’re also facing unprecedented pressure from our media to curate our looks. We used to visit with friends or attend meetings to see other people’s faces. But digital communications hold up a mirror to our own faces, and it’s no surprise that we find them lacking. Who hasn’t chosen their social media profile picture thinking about how others see us? (I have.) Who hasn’t set up Zoom’s “touch up appearance” feature … at least a little bit? (I have.)
I came to the Feminist Society meeting with my own beauty baggage. Convinced from a young age that I was an “ugly girl,” I found that I resented gorgeous women, especially those who spent a large amount of time and money on self-adornment. When I was young, I chose to go punk, defiantly toughening up my look and disdaining the idea of being “pretty.”
But that became tiresome, and I realized that I actually liked and respected plenty of women who enjoyed being pretty. I also found out that seeking beauty is natural in itself: Anthropologists say that before humans ever drew on cave walls, we adorned ourselves.
I developed a new view of other women’s choices: Just as some great works of art are not to my taste, I remind myself that I don’t have to personally approve of anyone’s self-adornment. In Santa Cruz, we can see all manner of presentations, from women who force their looks into conformity to women who love to let their freak flag fly. I try to appreciate that each one of us feels free to express our interior through how we face the world.
Or do we?
Despite how far we’ve come, 2026 is a hazardous time to be a woman pursuing beauty. You’d think in “let it all hang out” Santa Cruz, it would be rare for women to feel compelled to submit themselves to the plastic surgeon’s knife — but I know those who have. The jury is still out about the long-term safety of various types of injections now popular in Hollywood, but they’ve even cropped up here in all-natural Santa Cruz. One day I was talking to a friend (herself aging naturally), and she said she had to rush off to take a friend over the hill for her Botox appointment. Given what I know about research into Botox lingering in the brain, I’d definitely feel conflicted if a friend asked for my help in that situation.
At the Feminist Society meeting, the conversation reflected our joy at the freedom that women have to express their inner lives through aesthetic choices. But our discussion became more complex when we tried to figure out which mirrors reflected a woman taking joy in self-presentation and which showed her actually engaging in self-harm.
One participant talked about how her children learned to conform to gender-norm expectations in preschool — in liberal Santa Cruz. Another spoke of her eating disorder and how self-presentation was still complicated for her — in liberal Santa Cruz. Women here make ourselves almost as uncomfortable in “shapewear” as our mothers were in girdles. Women here spend outlandish amounts of time and money curating our “natural” looks, then walk around shivering in our spaghetti straps while our male friends are comfy in their flannels. Women here hide behind Zoom enhance just as much as women everywhere.
By not calling out these issues, are we supporting women? If we don’t question how women respond to the mirror, we risk normalizing that pressure to conform to gender expectations.
We didn’t come to a group consensus at the meeting, but personally, I came away with a renewed resolve: to appreciate each person’s self-expression, to support them by focusing on who they are rather than how they present themselves, and to educate others as a teacher, writer and colleague.
Perhaps the most important action we can take is for ourselves: to stop caring so much about what we see in the digital mirror and focus instead on others. Turn off Zoom self-view and post a profile picture that enhances our smiles rather than our cheekbones. Instead of focusing on that lonely mirror, let’s spend more time inhabiting our actual lives, playing, working and showing up imperfectly.
Let’s embrace the diversity of female beauty and stand together — whether in stilettos, sneakers or sandy bare feet.
Suki Wessling is a writer, teacher and radio host. She writes and produces “The Babblery” podcast and Substack at Babblery.com, edits the Jazz Society of Santa Cruz County newsletter, volunteers at KSQD and spends too little time in her garden. Learn more at SukiWessling.com.
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